One year ago

One year ago. I graduated high school. For me…that’s really so hard to believe. Everything was so mellow back then it was all so bittersweet… Now everything just seems bitter. I honestly should stop reminiscing so much and I should be moving on but it seems like nothing will ever go back to the way it used to be. My family ,friends, and boyfriend.. the relationship I have with all of them seem so distant… Everyone will disagree with me though. Were all growing up.. I just wish our conversations were bearable nowadays. Darian and I have been through a lot in our relationship.. and he always tells me not to blame myself but I literally always kill myself inside because I know somewhat it is. All those times I hurt him.. he can’t even look at me the same anymore. I know he still loves me but now it seems like a part of him doesn’t want to..but I understand why.. I just didn’t want it to be this way. He used to be so sweet to me, his words always gave me goosebumps, the way he held me always made me feel safe… Not to sound selfish and taking advantage of this.. I miss how he used to talk to me though,like he wanted to .. like he really truly loved me.. those days where he could say more than I love you,those days where his smile was so big when I said it to him, the days when he made me feel like I was so important to him…now the way he talks to me feel like I’m just his girlfriend and that’s it,he talks to me like he’s mad at me… I wish he acted like before.. towards me….but everything is different… One year ago…I didn’t expect myself to be in love like this..

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